Ending It Amicably: Divorce 101 for Couple Who Want to Remain Friends
Despite the potential for acrimony in such a stressful situation as a divorce, it is possible to achieve an amicable solution and come out the other side as friends, even when the romance has gone out of your relationship.
If you approach your impending divorce in the right way and despite using a divorce lawyer to get a fair deal and tie up the legal aspects of the arrangement, it is perfectly feasible to end it all amicably.
Working towards an amicable solution
In simple terms, the more aspects of your divorce that you can agree upon with each other, the better it is likely to be and the more likely it becomes that you will be able to part company legally, but still remain friends.
Most couples will tend to agree that an amicable divorce is better for everyone, especially so when there are children involved, and it will probably help keep the financial cost of your divorce down, in comparison to an alternative scenario where you argue over almost every point of contention.
If you can adopt an open mind and a conciliatory attitude towards very emotive and prickly subjects like how your finances will be divided and how to parent your children going forward, despite the obvious potential for anxiety and even anger, there is a much better chance that the process will be easier and more pleasant for both of you.
Keeping a lid on your emotions
It is virtually impossible for anyone to go through a divorce situation without feeling a wide range of different emotions about what has led you to reach the decision to part company and how it is going to affect your children and your financial situation once the divorce is finalized.
It is therefore important to go into the negotiations fully understanding the emotional aspects of divorce and making a determined effort to keep a lid on those emotions.
There is no question that your emotions can get in the way, which is understandable, but when you allow your feelings to cloud certain issues, it will definitely make it harder for you to make informed, reasoned and practical decisions.
Easier said than done for sure, but if you can both make a concerted effort to keep a lid on those emotions and even get some help from a relationship counselor if needed, you will greatly increase your odds of parting on good terms and remaining friends after it is all over.
Carry on working together
Although you have agreed to end the partnership and proceed with a divorce, it will greatly help the situation if you can both adopt a collaborative approach and work with each other in order to get everything done as quickly and easily as possible.
An amicable divorce is far more likely to become a reality rather than an ambition if both spouses collaborate. An open exchange of information and constructive views will give you both the sort of common ground for fair and amicable negotiation, so despite your obvious differences that have surfaced, whatever they happen to be, a spirit of collaboration that results in consensus, is going to make a big and positive difference to your relationship after the divorce has gone through.
Expect some pain
Even if you are still the best of friends and approach your divorce in the right frame of mind and with fairness and respect as key shared priorities, there is still going to be some pain along the way.
It is vital that you appreciate the fact that divorce is definitely not a painless process and even the most amicable partnerships will endure an element of pain and suffering.
When litigation is involved, civility is quite likely to replace friendliness. This is no bad thing in the overall scheme of things, but what it does mean is that a spirit of cooperation and civility will often invariably result in less court visits, reduced costs, and most importantly for many, less distress for the children.
It is pretty hard to remain best of friends during the legal process, as there is always going to be some pain and stress to contend with, but an air of affability and a willingness to exchange views with a degree of civility despite the difficult circumstances, will normally ensure that you can enjoy a friendly relationship when you come out the other side.
Ending your relationship amicably is always a preferable option where possible, and there is a good chance of achieving this outcome if you go about the divorce process in the right way and in the right frame of mind.
Ellie Poole is a divorced Mother of three who writes about keeping divorce as amicable as possible, not necessarily for your kids' sake but for your own sanity!!